All of us have our "quirks", those things a potential partner does before, during, or after sex that immediately shuts us down, kills the mood - many times making it impossible to get back. Often, we hide these facts about ourselves because we think the other person won't want us if they know. I have no problem sharing...obviously. What turns me off? So glad you asked.
"Daddy" and "Little Girl" Games
Nothing skeeves me out worse than someone referring to me as their "little girl" during sex. As a survivor of severe childhood abuse, I won't be calling anyone "daddy" either. I haven't been a "little girl" since I was four and you really don't want to take me back to my childhood if you're interested in turning me on. I fought my way clear of my past and have no desire to revisit it.
Bites, bruises, scratches - those are all common after a night of rough sex. How furious I become when I walk into the bathroom to discover hickeys all over my neck where they can't be hidden. It smacks of white trash or high school and it's sure to earn you a couple of days of abstinence...and possibly some subtle payback you can't be certain came from me.
Humiliation in Word or Deed
I was part of a Dom/sub relationship with a powerful man for over a year. He worked me past a lot of scary/painful situations and helped me heal by allowing me to release my rigid control. As a strong woman, I had to learn to trust him...and trusting men did not come easily back then. He broke me down and built me back up in ways that still boggle my mind. Despite what sadistic assholes and the porn industry wants you to think - he did it all without calling me a "slut" or a "whore". He didn't have me licking his boots, crawling on my hands and knees in front of his friends, or attempt to gag me with his cock. He expected immediate obedience and when I hesitated, I was spanked or denied release. He tied me more in the beginning as he trained my body and mind to give him control. It was the most sexually fulfilling relationship of my life. There was no degradation. No humiliation. I still won't tolerate it. I've considered two other D/s relationships since but the men were nothing like my first. They got off on pain and humiliation - it was all about the power to them. Not the same thing at all.
What turns you off? What makes you draw back sexually and close off emotionally?
Posted by Shayne McClendon