Short Promo for "The Barter System"

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Being Curvy...

London Andrews has balls.  Huge ones.

She and I are about the same size based on the stats she freely provides in the posts on her website.  My balls aren't anywhere near as big.  I'm unhappy with my body...yes, even though it looks like hers and I like her body...and I could never get naked in front of a camera for the viewing pleasure of millions.

London Andrews is sassy and sexy, confident and seems like a genuinely nice person.  She has a hot boyfriend and no end of work.  I follow her site, her Tumblr, and Google pics of her for my "Curvy Goddess" collection on Facebook.  

I adore her.  

I'm confident...but I don't think I'm that confident.  Not that I'd ever put my naked pics out on the Internet if I wasn't being paid big bucks to do it.  I'm saying that my body issues are so extreme that I couldn't even give naked pics to someone I was involved with.  

You see, I'm a chubby woman who used to be fit.  12% body fat type of fit with big boobs and a taut bubble butt.  I had kids, I started working too much, I took up smoking, I stopped eating or drinking, and I put every single thing about "me" on the back burner.  For almost 20 years.  So here I am at 40 and I still work too much, rarely eat or drink, I'm trying to quit smoking...and I'm still last on my priority list.  

When I see a model like London, it makes me wonder why I can't lighten up and look at the positive aspects of my body.  Why I can't love myself, be more comfortable with myself, the way I deserve.  

My goal is this: I plan on duplicating this photo ----> around my birthday in December.  Putting on sexy lingerie, setting up my camera, biting the bullet, and taking the shot.  Just to see if I can do it.  Just to see if I can look at a picture of myself and love it as much as a picture of London Andrews.  

Because really...I want balls as big as hers.

Let’s Talk Domination/submission.

With the popularity of “50 Shades of Grey” there are extreme misconceptions about the nature of a D/s relationship.  The 15 million people who purchased this book (if they weren’t familiar with true BDSM before reading it) now have a view of D/s that is completely and utterly incorrect. 

The relationship depicted between Christian Grey and Ana is a Master/slave dynamic.  Please see my blog regarding the “9 Levels of Submission” for clarification.  In a M/s relationship, the submissive releases all sense of self.  They become the embodiment of what their Master desires/requires and their thoughts/feelings do not enter into the mix. 

A true M/s relationship is rare for the simple reason that human beings are not genetically wired to release their identity – it is counter to our natural survival instinct.  

I do not agree with this level of submission for myself (completely my opinion and choice) and have only known one couple in my life that was successful at it long-term.  When last I spoke with them, they had been together for four years.  At that point, they had been together almost two years longer than the other M/s couples I knew. 

In “50 SoG”, Christian determines what his naïve submissive will eat, wear, how much she will exercise, who she will be allowed to speak to, etc.  The popularity of these books, and the eventual movies, concern me because young women – especially young women of today’s generation – tend to be incredibly stupid when it comes to men. 

In a true D/s relationship, a submissive willingly and with full trust releases control of their sexuality to their Dominant.  This part of their lives can exist separately from every other part.  Successful business owner, scout leader, Little League coach, PTA president…all of that is left behind when a submissive enters the world of his/her Dominant. 

The submission of a person who is seen as an “alpha” personality by the rest of the world is especially seductive to a strong Dominant.  They are fully aware of the individuality, the drive, the control of their submissive and watch as he/she leaves that aspect of their personality at the door and places themselves – literally – in their Dominant’s hands.

A true Dominant is strong in will and control.  This strength is based on a core of inner self-confidence that is rarely expressed in anger.  They know their place in the world and it is hard to shake them.

A true Dominant is concerned (foremost) with their submissive’s safety and (second) their pleasure.  They are protective by nature with sex drives that are rarely in low gear. 

I wonder at the porn industry’s depiction of battered women as the standard submissive.  Scratches and welts?  Reasonable.  Fingerprints and rug burn?  To be expected.  Broken skin and bone-deep bruising? 

Not hardly. 

 

A Dominant protects his submissive from harm, including knowing when the edge between pleasure and pain has become blurred for them.  They exert control so a submissive personality does not have to.  They guard you, protect you, so you can let go completely.  They push your boundaries, introduce you to things they know you will enjoy – even if you resist initially.  They are territorial by nature, much like our animal counterparts, and though they may occasionally “share” their submissive – there are rules that are followed to ensure protection of their most cherished possession and boundaries that are not crossed. 

A Dominant who does not protect you from yourself, from going beyond rational acceptance of pain to needing pain in order to achieve release, is not interested in your safety.  A Dominant who would debase you to the point that you are simply “a hole” to be used by anyone in any way doesn’t even see you as a person.

Temporary D/s relationships – of which there are many – tend to give birth to many misconceptions about BDSM.  It is the pain seekers, who for whatever reason cannot climax without pain.  Those women who feel so bad about themselves that words like “slut” and “whore” actually make them feel cherished.  Then there are the Dominants who aren’t really.  Who get off on hurting weaker people and couch it behind an entire culture so they can feel a sense of power. 

No matter what the porn industry tries to feed you.  No matter what E.L. James and her wildly incorrect novels try to get you to swallow.  D/s is about respect and trust.  A Dominant being strong for their submissive so he/she can let go and focus on the pleasure.

Is there pain?  Sometimes.  Is there punishment?  Often.  I myself had to be broken down and built back up…but nowhere did it come close to what I see every day from the porn industry. 

It is when the line is crossed from BDSM to violence, disrespect, and humiliation that a submissive needs to evaluate their place in their Dominant’s life.  A submissive is not a doormat or an inanimate object.  After the sex is over, you should feel good about yourself, stronger and more focused.  Just like “vanilla” relationships…the two of you together should be better than each of you individually. 

Don’t buy into the hype.

And Christian Grey can shove his calorie counting, temper tantrum having, stalkerish tendencies up his ass.

Liebster Award - Learn 11 Facts About Me!

I have the lovely and talented Nichelle Gregory to think for my Liebster Award Nomination! I'm truly honored you nominated me!

What is the Liebster Blog award, you ask?  This is an award given to blogs that have less than 200 followers.  It’s a way of generating some love and traffic for smaller bloggers.

Now for the RULES:

1. Each person must post 11 facts about themselves
2. Answer the 11 questions the tagger has given you and then give eleven questions for those you tag.
3. Choose 11 people and link them in your post.
4. Let them know you’ve tagged them.
5. No tag backs.

11 Facts About Me:

1. I’m incredibly outgoing – I’ve never met a stranger.
2. I’m one of the strongest people I know emotionally.
3. If someone makes a pass at me and I’m not interested, I pretend it went over my head to keep from hurting their feelings.
4. I love to laugh and to make other people laugh.
5. I can write the first draft of a full-length novel in about one week.
6. I love watching porn but I am very, very picky.
7. If I don’t “anchor” a story that downloads into my brain within 5 minutes, it will be lost forever.
8. I believe in solving problems…not talking about them incessantly.
9. My children are my greatest accomplishment.
10. I truly believe I am a better writer than at least 50% of the writers who are formally published.
11. I wish I could save the world.

 11 Questions I Was Asked:

1. What is your favorite song right now?  Bernhoft’s “C’mon Talk”
2. Would you read your latest WIP to your in-laws for a hundred dollars?  Oh hell yeah.
3. Have you ever been spanked or given a spanking?  Yes to both.
4. Would you consider being a pleasure slave for six months?  Anything goes.  At the end you'd be paid handsomely.  Yes.
5. What's your favorite cereal?  Quaker Oh’s
6. CSI or Law & Order?  Law & Order
7. What's the one word you always misspell?  LOL…when I was six I think I misspelled handkerchief.  *grin*
8. How many hours do you typically sleep a night?  About 2
9. If you could have anything right this very minute what would it be?  Freedom
10. What's your favorite thing to wear?  Cowboy boots
11. What would you like to ask me?  Where is your dream place to live?

My 11 Nominees:

1. Nick Jenkins
2. Chris Mann
3. Margie Church
4. Carisa Thesing
5. Pete Lancaster
6. SjD Peterson
7. Rowan Elizabeth
8. Roy Chaudoir
9. Jade Alexander
10. Grinelda Markowitz
11. Paul Martin

11 Questions for My Nominees:

1. What is your greatest regret?
2. What drives you crazy about other authors?
3. What is your biggest sexual deal-breaker?
4. What would be the most important item on your “bucket list”?
5. Which movie title would best depict your life story?
6. When you are alone what do you most enjoy doing?
7. Who is the first person you think about when you get up in the morning?
8. Do you think you are a selfish person?
9. If you could spend a night with a celebrity who would it be?
10. Do you have a piercing or tattoo and where?
11. Which one country would you want relocate to if you had the opportunity?

50 Shades of Kill-Me-Now

My Facebook followers have asked me at least two dozen times to weigh in on the "50 Shades of Grey" series because I write erotica myself.  I've heard such wildly swinging reviews that I knew it had to be more hype than substance and had no intentions of reading it.  I finally broke down and read it.  For those of you who actually enjoyed it...you should leave now.  Truly.  

Goodreads wouldn't let me register my "review" without at least ONE STAR - I would have given it ZERO but was forced against my will to provide one lonely star. I'm so completely floored that this is being touted as "erotica" or as a D/s relationship.  How did it sell 15 copies - much less 15 million???

The relationship between the two main characters is an 8 - closer to a 9 - on the BDSM standard levels of submission - which means it is a MASTER/slave relationship. Of course, that designation wouldn't sell quite as many copies so they decided to misrepresent the entire culture and make all of us who have been part of a D/s relationship at any point of our sexual histories look like abusive control freaks (Doms) or weak, pathetic doormats (subs).

Christian is abusive, bizarre, and borderline dangerous...and he was still the only halfway interesting thing about this book. Throughout Anastasia maintains an almost "Stockholm" type behavior. Creepy not sexy.

The author uses purple prose such as "my sex" and "his member" (which, kink or not, knocks her down to romance not erotica).  James repeatedly used such brilliant dialogue as "holy crap", "oh my", "jeez", and "he's hot" (hundreds of times) which made her sound less articulate than my 15-yr-old daughters. 

Many of the sex scenes are LAUGHABLE they are so silly and unrealistic.  Tampon...gross.  Deep-throat?  Really?  From a virgin?  You think so?  Sex a dozen times a day, as a virgin, with a ridiculously well-endowed man and you have "pleasant soreness".  

I have to wonder: has the author actually had sex herself?

There is some odd spin that is simply stupid with her "inner goddess" and her "subconscious" that sounds like shit from an acid trip or  maybe a psychotic break.  

The writing in some places is almost word-for-word ripped off from "Twilight" and WHY it isn't stuck in a legal dept somewhere - I don't know. It seems strange to me. I would annihilate anyone who spun off my work like this...and did it so badly. Meyer should be livid not saying "good on her"...what???

I have a friend who believes Meyer really wrote it.  If she did, how lazy can you get?  Trash, trash, trash and a horrible waste of hours I didn't have. I've never rolled my eyes so many times through one book...not ever.

For those who bought the second and third books...hoping the writing, plot, and character development improves?  No. Such. Luck.  Not that I've read the second and third ones.  Oh hell no.  I'm not a glutton for punishment.  

Am I a book snob?  Damn right.  When it comes to words...if you're making millions and there is a movie in the works...you should know how to string sentences together without sounding like some sniveling little teenager who didn't get asked to the prom.  

Much love,

Shayne 

Random Facts about ME

I enjoy all music with the exception of screamo and gangster rap.

I love strawberry milkshakes.

I hate talking on the phone...ever.

I have a 1991 Ford truck I inherited from the father I never met when he died.

I have 3 cats and 2 dogs.

I am a morning person AND a night person.

I have never left the United States.

I have broken bones on every limb, ribs, skull, and three vertebra in my neck.

I have 3 teenage children who are nothing like the rest of their friends.

I have done a lot of thinking since I turned 40 in December.

I wrote a 350 page novel in 6 days based on an idea inspired by the news.

I hate sleeping and going to the bathroom because I think it wastes time.

I've known what I wanted to do since I was a small child.

I own and use a library card.

I strongly dislike math.

I learned to read when I was two.

I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.

I avoid casinos since I have an obsessive personality.

I rarely drink but when I do it is typically imported beer.

I have never had someone break up with me.

I have been married three times - I am friends with my exes.

I have a small tribal tattoo on my sternum.

I have auburn hair, hazel eyes, and freckles.

I have been called "gifted" and a "nerd" all my life.

I have worn glasses and/or contacts since I was four.

I am an excellent shot with a pistol or rifle.

I am comfortable with only myself for company but I am a social person.

I believe the movie "Day after Tomorrow" is in our real future.

I prefer the mountains to the beach.

I believe in being kind, polite, and helpful.

I don't apologize for the person I am.

I am open about sex, honest about it.  I am not, have never been, a slut.

I use real photos of myself for my profile pics.

I am Irish, Scots, and Cherokee.

My writing is NOT an invitation for you to have sex with me.

I am an eternal optimist with a stone-cold realist's education/history.

Who Is Shayne M?

Darlings, I get so many questions about me personally.  I'm flattered that you care!  I've tried to answer some of the most common questions here and I've added a photo of myself - in color, as requested.  

I am an erotica author, poet, and blogger.  I've always been very good at pretty much anything I take on...now, I'm even better at being just a little bad.  I currently have four full-length novels completed, eight novella and short story collections, and more than thirty "one-off" stories.

I write fast.  My first self-published title "The Barter System" was a completed draft in six days.  I write well, a fact I wasn't certain of until my work ended up in my follower's hands and they couldn't stop making me feel good.  My Facebook fan page has given me the confidence to truly pursue every dream I've ever had for myself as an author.

I write reality, for the most part.  I know paranormal is viral right now.  I've dabbled in it but it isn't my preference.  You'll see my attempt at paranormal erotica when I upload my "Doorways" quintet...four sets of two stories each that deal with the supernatural.  A male character can't just be "ARMY" - he has to be Elite Special Forces.  Again, I've dabbled.  My novella collection "The Corps" is my version.  

Mostly though, I like common characters.

My work is what could happen to you.  Most of my characters aren't perfect but I'm not sorry when they are because I have deaf characters, curvy characters, and characters missing limbs.  I like to mix it up.

Though I was born on a military base in California, I consider myself a Texan based on the years I spent there, my accent, family roots, and the way I cook.  I'm currently a wife who doesn't hesitate to tell my husband he's being an ass (complete with visual aids of his stupidity).  He does the chores/errands I hate.  In return, I cook him 5 pounds of food and field 90% of teen-related issues.

I'm a mom who wants to protect my kids but refuses to candy-coat reality.  My three teenagers are what I'm most proud of in my life.  I won't send them out after high school believing stupid shit like, "you can't get pregnant if it's your first time" or "I haven't had too much alcohol to drive" or "he treats me like crap but inside he really loves me".  Yeah, not so much.  My kids know what life is and it isn't going to bury them like so many other kids out there.

I'm a friend when you need one but I won't lie to make you feel better if you're about to make a mistake.  I will tell you those jeans make your ass look fat.  I won't pretend to like the same crap you like - we have enough things to bond over.

I have strong opinions and your hurt feelings need to be examined by YOU.  I am not responsible for you being unable to accept me for who I am.  I happen to like who I am.

I'm overweight at present but I won't kill myself over it because you never know...Renaissance could come back!  In the meantime, I work 20 hours a day on a computer in a little office and only get up to pee so when I can work a fitness regimen in, I'll get RIGHT on that.

I smoke because I'm addicted, not to annoy you.  When my mental state is ready for me to quit, I'll do so.  I like comfort over style because I grew up with brothers and never got along with most females.  Guys have it so damn easy.

I love to cook, hate to clean, love animals, hate hypocrites and bad grammar, get too wrapped up in my writing (and reading) sometimes, tend to be a workaholic, and would give you the shirt off my back if you REALLY needed it (you have to be part of your own rescue).

All men and women are created equal - there are no qualifiers after that statement - nothing but a damn period.

I am tolerant of other's beliefs - you want to go to church every day, if it fits in your schedule, good for you.  You knock on my door, we can talk and I'll respect your stand without being rude.  Maybe I'll invite you in for coffee if the dogs aren't being too crazy.

I believe every human being has the right to choose what is right or wrong for their body (inside and out).  From alternative medicine to tattoos to unplanned pregnancy.  I have enough issues worrying about MY body - I don't have time to make decisions for yours, too.

I don't have the right to tell you who you're in love with.  Love crosses all boundaries, social castes, races, genders, and belief systems.  If you are lucky enough to find soul-deep love, I hope you fight for it.

I do not write romance OR porn...I write erotica.  Please understand the difference in the three genres before you read my work and become offended at my explicit sex scenes and lack of "purple prose". 

That's about it.  You know you can submit questions to me here, my Tumblr blog, my Facebook page or profile, or just send me an email at whatshaynewants@live.com.  I love to hear from you.

Much love,
Shayne