Loves Me, Hates Me

He loved me hard, painfully
Hurting me, each time worse
A vicious cycle over and over
I was weak

The last loving was better
He’d hurt me bad the night before
So sorry in the morning
He was weak

The next night I seduced him
Owned him
For the first time in our relationship
I was strong

I rode him again and again
Sweat pouring from our bodies
He kept my pace
He was strong

I pulled his release from him
Made him scream my name
Told him what to do
I was happy

Afterward he held me
I worshipped him with words
How he was my everything
He was happy

The next morning I made coffee
Brought him a steaming cup
Served it to him in bed
I was smiling

I wanted to play a game
To tie him up and enjoy him
I knotted the silk scarves tight
He was smiling

I rose from the bed
Dressed and packed my things
Watched him from the doorway
I was angry

He began to see through the game
Cursed me and threatened me
Tried to break his bonds
He was angry

Left on a bus to another town
Got on another bus going west
Then south, then east, then north
I was afraid

He stayed in our bedroom, in our home
Bound to our marriage bed
Screaming, cursing, and crying
He was afraid

I traveled for days to nowhere
Finally to somewhere, always disguised
Using cash I’d horded for six years
I was ashamed

On day two, I sent texts to his friends
Using disposable phones on the road
They found him in filth and tears
He was ashamed

I left a letter in our bank deposit box
I’d sent another to the police station
Photos, texts, video over the years
I was clever

I kept records of when he’d hurt me
He’d never left marks
No one ever suspected a thing
He was clever

Now I am thousands of miles away
New name, new look, new life
Paid for with my blood, but no more
I AM FREE and he will never be

1 comment:

stephanie said...

I love this story and the author does a great job of outlining events and allowing us to really feel the history of why she leaves him..
I know this happens in real life and if women were this strong and able to do this more often maybe men would think twice before abusing us.