Loves Me, Hates Me

He loved me hard, painfully

Hurting me, each time worse

A vicious cycle over and over

I was weak

The last loving was better

He’d hurt me bad the night before

So sorry in the morning

He was weak

The next night I seduced him

Owned him

For the first time in our relationship

I was strong

I rode him again and again

Sweat pouring from our bodies

He kept my pace

He was strong

I pulled his release from him

Made him scream my name

Told him what to do

I was happy

Afterward he held me

I worshipped him with words

How he was my everything

He was happy

The next morning I made coffee

Brought him a steaming cup

Served it to him in bed

I was smiling

I wanted to play a game

To tie him up and enjoy him

I knotted the silk scarves tight

He was smiling

I rose from the bed

Dressed and packed my things

Watched him from the doorway

I was angry

He began to see through the game

Cursed me and threatened me

Tried to break his bonds

He was angry

Left on a bus to another town

Got on another bus going west

Then south, then east, then north

I was afraid

He stayed in our bedroom, in our home

Bound to our marriage bed

Screaming, cursing, and crying

He was afraid

I traveled for days to nowhere

Finally to somewhere, always disguised

Using cash I’d horded for six years

I was ashamed

On day two, I sent texts to his friends

Using disposable phones on the road

They found him in filth and tears

He was ashamed

I left a letter in our bank deposit box

I’d sent another to the police station

Photos, texts, video over the years

I was clever

I kept records of when he’d hurt me

He’d never left marks

No one ever suspected a thing

He was clever

Now I am thousands of miles away

New name, new look, new life

Paid for with my blood, but no more

I AM FREE and he will never be